Starting Your Relationship Right with your Foreign Domestic Worker
A common question I receive in my business, White Glove Pte. Ltd., an employment agency in Singapore, is how do I start my relationship off right with my helper? Here are some tips I have learned along the way so that you can have a new beginning with your helper.
Welcome her properly
You can do many things to start this relationship off right, the easiest of which is to give her a warm welcome when she arrives! Perhaps in your family that means having the children write welcome signs and hang them in her room, or maybe you can bake a welcome cake for her, or even just making her room feel like home. You might have everyone home to greet her, or give her a small welcome gift as a token of your appreciation. All of these things can help make her feel welcome. Put yourself in your shoes for a minute. It can be terrifying to move into a stranger’s home and start a new job. Making her feel welcome will start things off right.
Provide clear instructions
Of course some helpers may have routines that they bring with them from other families, but your home is your home, and you may have things you prefer that other people don’t care about. Giving her a clear list of instructions (in writing) is a great way to communicate your needs with her. For example, maybe you don’t want bath towels washed with your regular clothes. If it is in writing, she is less likely to forget this instructions.
You might also want to work up a schedule for daily chores. Perhaps you are less bothered by dust but really like your floors clean. Give her a schedule that has dusting done weekly and floor sweeping and mopping daily. Your agent should be able to provide a sample schedule.
You don’t want your helper to get overwhelmed and over tired. Schedule breaks as you can and make it clear that you expect her to rest during the scheduled breaks. Maybe a 15 minute break in the morning and afternoon, and a one hour lunch break from 12:00–1:00 pm would work in your family. If you have young children that she will be looking after, schedule breaks in the kids’ nap times so she can rest and recover.
You should also set clear start and end times, that assure she is getting enough rest. MOM rules say she needs 8 hours of consecutive rest, so if you expect her to be up at 6 am, she needs to be done with her day before 10 pm so that she can sleep. If she does work later hours, make sure to compensate her with a time she can nap at lunch.
Be flexible
She comes from a different environment, and she may have her own ideas about how to do things. If it isn’t a big deal to you, let it go. If you are pedantic about every single detail, it will be hard for anyone to meet your expectations. If it doesn’t really matter to you, let it go and save your battles for things that you feel really strongly about. For example, if your helper likes to arrange the pillows differently than you do, but you don’t really care, then accept them as they are and don’t correct her. However, if every time you look at the pillow you are filled with anxiety about it being in the wrong place, let her know and give a gentle correction. Save complaints for things that matter to you.
Also, your helper may be able to set her own schedule, and maybe she can get everything done and cleaned properly on her own. If so, let her do it. However, if you see her struggling give her guidance and step in to help her organize. For example, one of my helpers could not seem to manage getting the laundry done, but it hadn’t been a problem for others. I paid attention to what she was doing and realized she cleaned the entire house before even starting the first load, and in Singapore, these loads take up to 2 hours to do. By the time she was through with the house she had burned half her day and then only did laundry at night. I asked her to collect the laundry and start a load first thing in the morning, then clean. After her morning tea break, start the second load and then clean. Suddenly she was able to get it all done and she was much less stressed. Sometimes it takes a second set of eyes to find a solution that works.
Find out what food she likes and get it for her
Another thing that makes someone feel at home is to give them food that makes them feel comfortable. While it is ok for them to eat what the family eats at mealtimes, be cognizant of the fact that she may miss food from her home country and allow her to cook what she wants to eat sometimes. She may be afraid to ask for this. One of my helpers ate what we ate, and only after about 3 months did she admit to me that she didn’t like American food and really wanted to make her Filipino food. We changed course and she was much happier.
Treat her like a member of the family
The most common request I get from helpers is that they want a family who will treat them like a member of the family, but what exactly does that mean? I think it means giving them personal space, respecting boundaries, giving wifi, plenty of food to eat, rest, and talking to them like you would your aunt or your cousin. Would you micromanage your aunt and follow her around while she did chores, pointing out things she missed? She’d tell you off rather quickly, I think. Would you say hello to her in the morning? Would you offer her a cup of coffee? If you wanted her to do something for you, how would you ask? Would you yell at her or bark orders at her? These are all things that contribute to how your helper will feel about working for you. It doesn’t mean you have to give her everything she asks for. When my teenage daughter asks to stay out until midnight, I say no. If she wants to take a taxi to the grocery store, I ask her to take the bus. If she leaves the lights on in the bedroom after she leaves, I ask her to turn them off next time. Likewise you should be able to set reasonable limits and boundaries with your helper.
Make her a part of the family and you will gain both a friend and family member.
ความคิดเห็น